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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23126725">Fluffy, Funny and Smutty One Shots with the DMC Crew</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiltyPotato/pseuds/GuiltyPotato'>GuiltyPotato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Devil May Cry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Kitchen obliteration, Light-Hearted, Mentions of Sex, Slice of Life, Some Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:47:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,722</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23126725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiltyPotato/pseuds/GuiltyPotato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>These are short fics, mostly humorous, but there might be some smut here and there, with you and the DMC Crew as protagonists :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dante (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Nero (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Vergil (Devil May Cry)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Summer at Devil May Cry - Dante/Reader fluff</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Summer is a pain, especially at Devil May Cry. It's hot, and there's no AC because Dante is a poor man in debt. But you love him, so you go there to spend some time with him. You couldn't cuddle, since last time you tried, you turned into sweat fountains after 5 minutes, and swore to each other you'd never do this ever again during summer. So here you were, the two of you wearing the minimum ammount of clothes possible, sprawled out on the couch, watching a movie you both had been looking forward to, but couldn't watch earlier because Dante had some demon hunting to do.<br/>
<br/>
You both still craved the contact, being the two tactile idiots in love that you are, and since you were laying down, facing eachother with your heads resting on the armrest of your respective sides of the couch, you had settled on letting your calves and feet touch a bit.<br/>
<br/>
Dante shifted his leg so that his foot would touch yours, and your naturally grabby feet clung onto his. Dante chuckled and you turned your attention away from the movie to look at him, raising a questioning eyebrow.<br/>
<br/>
"Why are you laughing?"<br/>
<br/>
"It's like our feet are making out"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Sneeze - Vergil/Reader fluff and humor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vergil loves to worry about trivial shit you don't even notice about yourself, because he's an overreacting drama queen who cares about your well being</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a quiet day at Devil May Cry. Dante was reading a tacky magazine sitting comfortably on the couch, and Vergil, at the other end of it, was reading a book about allergies and medical conditions with a deep frown on his face, sighing every time he would turn a page.<br/>
<br/>
"What's wrong Verge? You don't usually make sounds when you read. Or when you don't."<br/>
<br/>
Vergil lifted his head from the book and stared back at Dante, still frowning<br/>
<br/>
"Dante, I fear that my beloved might be allergic to me."<br/>
<br/>
It took Dante all of his strength and willpower not to burst out laughing, but he still did anyway, and ended up with a summoned sword straight through the shoulder<br/>
<br/>
"Don't.. This is not a laughing matter brother. I've tried to find an answer in the few books that I have regarding human illnesses and allergies, but I cannot find anything. "<br/>
<br/>
"What do you mean by 'she's allergic to you' anyway?"<br/>
<br/>
"She sneezes."<br/>
<br/>
"What? So what if she sneezes? She's allergic to dust and pollen Verge, she probably sneezes because of that, not you."<br/>
<br/>
"Our bedroom, unlike the rest of this place, is not covered in dust, and she takes medication to avoid reacting to the god awful amounts of it that can be found here. And it is not pollen season."<br/>
<br/>
"What makes you think she sneezes because of you though? Like she sniffed you and sneezed?"<br/>
<br/>
"No. But it's got to be me because it only happens when we-"<br/>
<br/>
"When you..?"<br/>
<br/>
Vergil swallowed thickly "When we make love. Everytime she comes, she'll just.. sneeze a few minutes later, she even gets a runny nose sometimes, these clearly are the symptoms of an allergy"<br/>
<br/>
Dante was trying so hard not to laugh at his brother's dramatic reaction to avoid getting stabbed again he almost choked on his spit, and tears were forming at the corners of his eyes<br/>
<br/>
"If she was allergic to you, she'd be allergic to your jizz, not coming, and she would have full blown rashes, she wouldn't just sneeze. It's probably just a good old case of sex sneezes"<br/>
<br/>
"It's.. what?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah, some people just sneeze for a bit after having sex, it's like... a reflex they can't control. Not much you can do about it, but I can assure you that she's not allegic to you Vergil."<br/>
<br/>
"I see..."<br/>
 <br/>
Silence fell flat as Vergil got up to put the book back in its place as he had no more use for it, and his twin went back to reading his prime quality tabloid magazine. To this day, you still don't know why does Dante keeps on throwing those knowing looks at you when you sneeze anytime you come out of your bedroom. Or when you'd uncontrollably sneeze after mysteriously emerging from a secluded space (that Vergil ends up coming out of ten minutes later as well, you ain't slick)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That one was stupid, and very self indulgent since I wrote it because I have the sex sneezes and that I never realized it until very recently and it makes me laugh to think about Vergil noticing but going to the wrong conclusions first because... he's Vergil. Once again if you have an idea, a request or anything, I can take it, i'm a big girl with lots of time on her hands (since last night my country decided to close all schools for at least a month or two bc of the corona epidemic, so no homework and i'm homebound)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Video Game Night - Humor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You want to introduce your friends to Metal Gear Solid. And Nico is a tease.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The discussion had started while you all were eating dinner. The topics engaged between Nico, Nero and yourself had somehow turned into talking about which video game was your personal all time favorite favorite, and yours was Metal Gear Solid.<br/>
<br/>
"Huh, never played it, I heard the story is amazing though"<br/>
<br/>
"What? You never played Metal Gear Solid? Dude I know what we're doing tonight, you're gonna watch me play Metal Gear and absorb it all, because I can't let you live in ignorance anymore"<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah same. Never played it either. Heard Solid Snake's got a pretty legendary ass though."<br/>
<br/>
A bit later, you all had settled in front of the TV and you turned on the Playstation.<br/>
<br/>
Everyone had stayed around, minding their own business, Dante half asleep, half reading a magazine, and Vergil, reading a book but also throwing glances at you three as you were cruising with ease through the game. Nero absolutely loved the Cyborg Ninja, and Nico loved Revolver Ocelot's bangin' gunslinger moves.<br/>
<br/>
"Hey [Y/N], who's your favorite character in this game?"<br/>
<br/>
"Overall, I think my favorite character is Raiden, but he appears only later in the series. He's got a cool Katana and even has his own spin off hack and slash game. But for Metal Gear Solid, I think i'll have to go with Liquid Snake"<br/>
<br/>
"Soooooo what you're telling me, is that your favorite characters in Metal Gear Solid are... a KATANA wielding guy... and an EVIL TWIN? That right [Y/N]?"<br/>
<br/>
Nero choked on his drink as he connected the dots, you swear you saw some of it come back out of his nose, and suddenly you felt eyes burning holes through you from where Vergil was sitting. You could hear Dante chuckle in a corner.<br/>
<br/>
"Shu-sh-... Shut up Nico!"

Your face was bright red and your ears were burning so bad it felt like you had a fever. Your hands got so sweaty that the controller slipped right out of them<br/>
<br/>
"Ah fuck it, i'm going back home, finish the game yourselves"<br/>
<br/>
Nero put down his drink and tried to grab your arm but you dodged him as you grabbed your coat on your way out<br/>
<br/>
"C'mon wait, at least finish playing the game I was really getting into it!"<br/>
<br/>
"Finish it yourselves"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Good luck finishing the game you dorks, I only play MGS games on Extreme difficulty</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Kitchen Breaker - Nero/Reader fluff</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nero tries to cook something for you. But he can't cook for shit.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The kitchen was a mess. Pots filled with a sticky yellow substance that had burned at the bottom, the kind that would take hours of soaking to remove without damaging the pot's inner coating. Nero was determined to make it work. He spent the whole afternoon trying to make your favorite dessert, which was not the hardest, but not the easiest to make, a lemon meringue pie. He managed to make the crust, and it was currently baking, but had a few technical difficulties when it came to the custard filling and was starting to lose his patience. If he wasn't making this for you, he would've already given up.<br/><br/>"Goddamn fucking... Oh this is great, now that it doesn't burn anymore , there's fucking lumps of... shit nevermind, it IS burning"<br/><br/>For the fifth time, he took a new pot, and the necessary ingredients to make the lemon custard. He mesured and mixed everything carefully, with the stove on the lowest setting possible to lessen the chances of burning the mixture as much as possible. And eureka, it seemed to be working. The custard was perfect, even, no lumps, had a nice shine, and it tasted just how you liked it, a perfect balance of sweet and sour. He put the mixture in a glass bowl to cool, and carefully covered it with a plastic wrap so that it wouldn't get dry. And then the smell of burnt cookies hit his nostrils. The crust.<br/><br/>The fucking crust that has to rest for at least 3 hours in the frigde before baking. You were coming home in 20 minutes. If he had timed it right, and didn't suck at baking (or cooking in general) he would've pleasantly surprised you with your favorite dessert, made by him, just for you. Instead, you were about to come to the smell of burning, and the extreme relooking of your kitchen into the ground zero of the most tragic culinary catastrophe ever known to man.<br/><br/>You detected the unmistakable smell of burnt sugary goods as soon as you entered your home.<br/><br/>"Nero? You okay in there?"<br/><br/>"Yeah, yeah i'm- fuck- i'm okay... Just burned a.. few things"<br/><br/>"What did you burn?"<br/><br/>You closed the door behind you, took off your shoes, put down your bag and started walking towards the kitchen. Nero bursted out of it looking panicked, and he spread his arms to try and prevent you from accessing it<br/><br/>"Please don't go in there"<br/><br/>"Come on, it can't be that bad. What were you trying to do?"<br/><br/>You nonchalantly lowered one of his arms and entered the kitchen, and yes, you sure did wish you had never gotten in, the smoke coming out of the oven was making your eyes water and burn, and you were pretty sure it was healthier to smoke as much as Nico than it was to inhale the demonic mist that was swirling around. You opened the window, and once the smoke dissipated and didn't cloud your vision anymore you turned around to look at Nero<br/><br/>"Holy fuck, Nero, what the hell?"<br/><br/>"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I swear i'll clean it up I was just trying to make something"<br/><br/>You kept on inspecting the kitchen and found a familiar looking thick yellow substance covered by a plastic wrap in a bowl. You removed a bit of the plastic wrap, enough to sneak in a finger and dipped it in to taste. Lemon custard.<br/><br/>"Lemon meringue pie? You know I could've made it for you if you had asked me right? I could make it with my eyes closed even, it's my fav-"<br/><br/>"Favorite dessert, yeah, I know, that's why I wanted to make it for you"<br/><br/>"Huh? Why?"<br/><br/>" 'cause I really like you"<br/><br/>Nero's face was bright red and you couldn't keep yourself from grinning from ear to ear. You got out of the kitchen and walked towards Nero. He was now trying to avoid eye contact and had his fists clenched, you swore you could hear his hearbeat from where you stood<br/><br/>"And I would've gladly made it for you, 'cause I really like you too"<br/><br/>You gave him a small peck on the cheek, and kept on walking to get to your room in order to slip in your comfy usual homewear. You couldn't help yourself from loving how red his face got. He still hadn't moved an inch.<br/><br/>"And I wouldn't have obliterated the kitchen"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ngl, first time i tried to make lemon meringue pie I had a legit mental breakdown bc of that damn custard, I know what you're going through Nero</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Parce que c'était lui, Parce que c'était moi - Vergil/Reader fluff</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Words never made you cry, but those weren't just words.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WhiteDemonQueen's second request, hope u enjoy the fuck out of it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You could not keep on holding the tears as you read such a simple, yet powerful sentence.<br/>
<br/>
《Si on me presse de dire pour quoi je l’aimais, je sens que cela ne se peut exprimer qu’en répondant : parce que c'était lui, parce que c'était moi.》<br/>
<br/>
 Vergil was quietly reading beside you, and just like you at first, didn't notice the tears silently falling down your cheeks. Your quiet sniffle surprised the both of you, and he immediately put down his book to place his hand on the small of your back, and slowly rubbed circles in an attempt to appease you and pull you out of your reading.<br/>
<br/>
"Are you sad my love?"<br/>
<br/>
You shook your head and with your finger you pointed to the line that had made you cry<br/>
<br/>
"No.. it's just... that it's beautiful"<br/>
<br/>
Vergil took the book from your hands to read the words, but your eyes were met by confused ones<br/>
<br/>
"I cannot read french my love, may you translate it for me?"<br/>
<br/>
You nodded and took a deep but shaky breath to ground yourself<br/>
<br/>
"If I were pressed to say why I loved him, I can say no more than : because he was he, because I was I."<br/>
<br/>
These words had reminded you of the short period of time you had spent in the company of V, how you had fallen in love, how apprehensive of Vergil you were at first, only to realize his feelings for you had stayed the same, would forever be the same, and that the man, who was so different from V yet so similar, was the only one you could ever have eyes for.<br/>
<br/>
He set the book aside, next to his, and slid his arms around your waist, you reciprocated the gesture, holding eachother as close as you could as he tenderly kissed your temple.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was torn between doing a V/Reader or a Vergil/Reader but this... it was a perfect opportunity</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Substitution - Vergil/Reader humor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vergil's been gone for a while and you need a cuddle substitute.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You sighed as you stretched your back while watching TV, sitting in the couch next to Dante. Vergil had been gone for a while now, almost a week and a half. He'd gone on a mission by himself and you felt lonely, and bored to death with no one to cuddle with, Lady, Trish and Nico not being proper substitutes due to being considerably smaller compared to him. But then, a genius idea struck you. Dante's kinda like Vergil right? You turned around to look at him, and he looked back at you, confused by the sudden attention you gave him.<br/>
<br/>
"You're kinda like Vergil right?"<br/>
<br/>
"What do you mean by that?"<br/>
<br/>
"Well you're kind of the same. Physically. Kind of. Right?"<br/>
<br/>
"I... Guess... but where are you going with this?"<br/>
<br/>
You presented your hand to him, handshake style and explained what was going on through your mind<br/>
<br/>
"Platonic cuddles. I miss Vergil and all the girls are too small, it doesn't make for a good substitution Vergil. But you would be perfect"<br/>
<br/>
"You know he's gonna stab me and get all angry and moody if you do this, right?"<br/>
<br/>
"Noooo no no, you don't get it, I'm not asking to cuddle with you because I want to, It's because I miss Vergil."<br/>
<br/>
"Well, that hurt." He put his hand forward to meet yours "Deal. But only if you tell my brother not to stab me if he ever finds out and gets all pissy about it."<br/>
<br/>
You shook hands and he invited you to climb on top of him to get comfortable. You held him close and wrapped your arms around him, but he didn't. You fell asleep on top of him and he didn't want to wake you up, so he stayed still, and he eventually dozed off as well.<br/>
<br/>
You were awakened by the loud thump of something heavy dropping to the floor and an angry growl. You lifted yourself from Dante and opened your eyes slowly to see Vergil looking half confused, half enraged.<br/>
<br/>
"What the hell [Y/N]?!"<br/>
<br/>
"OH NO! Nononono it's not what you think! I really.. I just missed holding you so much, but when I tried cuddling with Lady... then with Nico... then with Trish.. It didn't feel like you enough. So I asked Dante, and he told me to ask you not to-"<br/>
<br/>
Anger dissipated from his eyes, and he picked you up to carry you across his shoulder, then bent down to pick up the Yamato.<br/>
<br/>
As he turned around, he sent two summoned swords through Dante, who woke up instantly<br/>
<br/>
"-stab him..."<br/>
<br/>
-"Fucking hell! [Y/N] I told you to tell him not to stab me!"<br/>
<br/>
"Shut up Dante. You know I would've done it anyway. Urgh... You smell like him now... I'll have to scent you all over again.."<br/>
<br/>
"The fuck you just said Vergil?"<br/>
<br/>
"Forget you heard this."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I thought I was going to die with my weak ass immune system and all the wacky shit happening out there, turns out, not sleeping for a whole week and drinking a whole liter of coffee every single day IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU HEALTH. AT ALL. AND IT WILL GIVE YOU A FEVER, NOSEBLEEDS AND HEADACHES. I KNOW. SHOCKER. Anyway, I played RE2remake after sleeping for 15 hours straight, and by the gods, I noticed when playing with my headphones on, all the little pants and groans Leon makes, and his short breaths too, and ngl, hearing Leon panting straight in both my ears is hot AF. Sometimes i'd just run in circles in a safe room to listen to him panting for a while lmao, what is wrong with me?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bloody Vergil - Dante/Reader humor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I mean what else do you want to do during quarantine? It gets boring pretty quick y'know.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What the hell are we going to do stuck in there?"<br/>
<br/>
"You want to summon a ghost or a demon?"<br/>
<br/>
"Hell yeah"<br/>
<br/>
You both waited for 3:00 AM and went to the bathroom, lit up two candles, and looked at each other giggling like the idiots you are, and started chanting, bumping your fists against the counter of the sink, looking seriously in the mirror in front of you.<br/>
<br/>
"VERGIL! VERGIL! VERGIL! VERGIL!"<br/>
<br/>
The bathroom door burst open, the hinges breaking from how violently Vergil had kicked it<br/>
<br/>
"WON'T YOU TWO SHUT UP?!"<br/>
<br/>
You looked up to see his reflection in the mirror and stared at eachother, both looking absolutely mindlblown<br/>
<br/>
"IT WORKS!!!"<br/>
<br/>
*fistbump*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not dead, turns out my anxiety is off the charts and I can't get medication during quarantine and finished my meds around a week and a half ago ( and of course, even though prescriptions are prolongated due to the unique situation we're in, I threw away my old prescription bc I had already used the refill and I sure as hell didn't expect to be in goddamn quarantine a month ago so FML), and bc of that I sleep bad and it was just the cherry on top of my neuralgia + chronic back pain cake, so I just ended up having a 4 day long non stop migraine, then my periods happened so I just curled up in a ball in my couch and played Doom Eternal bc ya girl be like that. Also i'm almost done writing that smexy pegging piece for u WhiteDemonQueen, pushing thru the pain to push that dildo in Vergil's ass 👌</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked it :) if you want or have a specific fluffy/funny or smutty scenario in mind, any suggestions (anything really), tell me in the comments and i'll make a special lil' something for ya, don't be shy, I don't bite (I *succ* uwu). Also I might add some V/Reader and Nero/Reader stuff later on, so if you have a suggestion with that pairing in mind as well, tell me anyway, i'll find a way to cook up something *chef's kiss*</p></blockquote></div></div>
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